The Game of Guilt/Shame Patterns & Victim/Martyrism Mentality

One of the biggest manipulative dark energies for highly sensitive people/empaths to overcome and to be completely in the energy of freedom is to break vicious cycles of shame and taking on guilt. It’s a great gift to be able to feel energies so strongly, but with this gift comes a great responsibility to learn discernment. What we must realize is that every person in this life is responsible for their emotions and nobody can do anything to make you feel a certain way.

This is a difficult concept in our society to handle because we have been conditioned to believe that compassion and kindness is to coddle, and care about someone else’s pain, and if we do this we will get something in return (martyrism) When we don’t end up getting something in return by all the energy we put into the situation we then fall into victim patterns of shame and guilt we first acquired as a child.

We live in a society where we use band aid solutions to sweep feelings under the rug. We take prescription drugs just to feel better when all it does is mask your pain. Those drugs aren’t healing you they are causing more damage, it’s the body that heals and fights for your health. Chemotherapy for instance only works for some people because the force to live is so strong the soul activates the body to rebuild it’s healthy cells. Chemotherapy kills all cells no matter if they are good or bad, all it’s doing is giving you a 50/50 chance. The rest is up to your body and your soul’s life force to heal you, not the chemicals! The same goes for our mental health industry. The truth is that it’s all band aid solutions keeping you stuck by reiterating over and over again the pain you went through. If you truly want freedom in your life then you will have to become an advocate for yourself, for your soul and for your inner knowing. It’s not going to work any other way. You must feed your inner truth more than anything else. It’s this life force within you that you must feed and in turn it will heal you of all ailments (mental, emotional and physical) and it will align you to your soul.

Yes there is injustice being done in this world, yes innocence is being taken, and no, it doesn’t make it right but if we continue to judge situations in a basic black and white fashioned mentality we will never break out of these cycles.

Humans are to rise above this way of thinking and it first starts with you putting a stop to feeling and cultivating dark emotional feelings inside your body. Lets go deeper into these emotions .

  • Guilt/Shame: When somebody in your life plays a victim role by saying statements such as “but I worked so hard with you” or “I’ve been investing my money into this and now your backing out” etc. Its an energy of someone pushing their emotional responsibility onto you. You didn’t make the decision for this person to invest. That was their choice and their power of free will, meaning the consequences belong to them. That doesn’t mean you don’t have responsibility on your end. If you went into an agreement then yes, you are to own up for your side, but remember you can always have changed emotions. If you are honest you can come to a new agreement to move forward in a different way. The problem is it’s either you or the other person who doesn’t want to change because they had an expectation of what was going to happen. We grow every second of the day, and if you want to back out or change your mind then you have a right to do so. If you are dealing with another awakened soul then an easy amicable solution will always arise, however if someone isn’t aligned and acting out of “right/wrong” mentality it will always be a struggle. Hence why many highly awakened souls are very picky of who they allow into their vibrations and personal world.
    Guilt and shame are nothing but forms of energy to get you to comply and agree to an idea, a feeling or a situation. If you did injustice to someone else and you feel guilt/shame then that’s an indicator to take responsibility for yourself. This is where things get tricky. Many humans have been conditioned to manipulate and they aren’t even aware of it because it’s such an ingrained mental pattern formed out of our system, society and family lineages. We are inundated very young to feel shame for others and to take on other’s feelings. We must break the belief system that we are selfish people if we choose to stand our ground in our authenticity. The person you are dealing with will definitely deflect their pain in a stronger stance when you finally decide to stand in your truth because the energy they are projecting will be sent back to them. If you want to be aligned to your soul’s calling then being altruistically authentic with your emotions is the first step in honouring your temple and your soul. People who truly love you will back down and do their inner work and honour your feelings, even if this transition takes time. It’s those who continue to push their agendas and expectations onto you, and who use guilt and shame to get you to comply. These people are not willing to change or take responsibility because they want things to go certain way that doesn’t entirely feel authentic to you. People who TRULY love you deeply, even if they have an issue with your boundary settings and your truth speaking at first (because changing the way you respond and act when you have been doing this for years will cause an upheaval) they will eventually do their inner work over time if you continue to be strong in your feelings. The more you sway from your truth, you create energy holes in your etheric field where your energy leaks out and you end up giving your power away.
  • Victim Mentality: Everyone has had something done to them that wasn’t fair. We have children that are being abused, people getting killed etc. Innocence is being stripped and taken everyday, but if we continue to focus on that pain it will feed the cycle of guilt and shame while pitying those who are the victims. Is it fair what’s being done? No, but I ask you, who made up the concept of fairness? We live in a world where balance as been out of order for so long we can not immediately jump to equality if we continue to feed a victim mentality. The first step is not to buy into victim mentality and to view the energy behind the person who is continuing to harbour the feelings of victimhood. Yes something happened to this person but how long are they going to sit in that place of holding pity for themselves? It’s perfectly fine to grieve and to go into this pain but to sit in it is entirely different. Are you doing this to yourself? Are you harbouring victimhood in your energy? Do you feel shame for your choices when you are only acting from your truth? Are you in pain because you had expectations?
    To know true Universal balance is to look at nature. Nothing in nature is self sacrificing because everything is in abundance. When a lion kills its prey there is a fight for life at first, but once caught the victim surrenders to the pain. If you are a victim or dealing with a victim there must be a surrender to the pain and a moving on from it. Just like nature you too must cultivate abundance within yourself instead of being so self sacrificing. Self sacrifice is not honourable. It’s a subconscious manipulation pattern that attaches to dark passive aggressive cycles that comes with high expectations to be met. To break out of this you must honour your feelings no matter what!
    You can still recognize the injustice that is being done however you must rise above feeling pity, shame or guilt about it. Instead learn how to empower yourself through that pain by not taking on someone else’s pain. You must start to hold a strong vibration of love for everyone involved. Once you are self empowered by standing in your truth then you can empower the victim who is in front of you.
    This is why counselling and psychotherapy don’t work. In therapy sessions all you do is reiterate your pain. Some people need to live in the pain of their past until they are sick of it to move beyond traditional counselling. To break your victim mentality you must take a stance for your inner world FIRST and make a declaration to yourself that you no longer wish to feel shame and not to feel shame for how somebody else feels. If your inner truths do not match someone else’s inner truth then you are on separate paths. It’s really that simple. You can not compromise and make things work if your inner worlds/truths and feelings do not match. It will just become an ever ending struggle and battle for each person’s truth to be heard or somebody will have to live in denial and close up. Comradity and alliance happens when the inner worlds match. This is vibrational resonance and a way of living that only a few are doing on the planet. Stop trying to make things fit when they don’t.
    When you pity yourself for feeling shame about a situation not being “right” or “fair” because of how it affects another person you are immediately giving your power away, and those who are unconscious, or who lack emotional intelligence will feel justified when you give them that power and you will feel depleted…and the cycle continues.
One of my favourite quotes
  • Martyrism: The martyr role is the fuel that ignites the victim mentality pain body of guilt and shame. “Oh look what I did for that person! I spent all day and night getting the house clean for them and they didn’t even say thank you!” or ” I was patient, I gave them so much love and compassion and this is how they treat me?” Sound familiar? A martyr will use good deeds to get what they want, and again this can be a very unconscious pattern. Nature gives to us abundantly it never asks for anything in return. This is true unconditional love. Ask yourself, if you give to someone are you expecting something back? If that’s the case I would dig deeper into finding how to stop this internal pattern so that you give just because you want to. Even if that means this person is no longer a part of your life, that doesn’t matter. You love no matter what because that’s how you love yourself FIRST. I love the story of The Giving Tree, it was one of my favourite books as a kid.
I give because I love not because I want something from you.

Martyrs love to give and at first it feels amazing but it will always come at a price or expectation. When the martyr doesn’t have their expectations met they will use shame/guilt tactics to get you to buy into their good deeds. They then call themselves good and honest people when in fact they are operating from a very passive aggressive pattern of manipulation.

When someone who truly loves you gives to you without any expectation but to share love then all free will choices will always be honoured, including if you choose to walk away from that person, they will honour that choice. That’s love. That’s how nature works.

By honouring your inner truth you are automatically sending your intentions out to the Universe of what is meant to be aligned for you. Staying in a stagnant space of wavering between what is right or wrong will always keep you attracting people, places and situations that do not serve your highest good. The choice is yours. You must be willing to be strong in your truth and to honour your feelings with conviction. It will change your relationships because you are changing the way you behave. It will force people around you to look at themselves because you are no longer taking responsibility for their emotions. They will have to do this for themselves. Get honest with yourself and build your strength of deep honesty. By doing this you will seal up etheric holes in your energy field, and you will begin to align to your true purpose and calling. Some people may fall away but you must be ok with that. Your faith will increase when you act with such integrity because at this point you know there is no doubt within you and so good things must align.

The Universe likes a humble, authentic heart for that is when true balance happens. Inner balance isn’t about what’s right or wrong, it’s about using your free will to choose what is for your highest good at all times and not to sway from that truth; Ever! Eventually with practice this inner balance will reflect in your outside world and life will be easy flowing. When obstacles arise, no problem, it’s an opportunity to get deeper in your authenticity with yourself. Your higher self is always refocusing you into alignment. Be your altruistic self and the refocusing doesn’t have to be an ordeal anymore, eventually it will become exciting because you will know new things are about to manifest in your physical world!

Hang on to your truth as much as you can, for it’s how the Cosmos speak to you.